The journey to losing nearly half my body weight through an obsession with nutrition and exercise. This set of photos is as much for me as anyone else. Most of these photos I took myself and stored in a folder called “Vanity.”
1998, May. 280 or thereabouts. Within a few months I would have an epiphany that if I didn't change my life and the way I respected myself I wouldn't live to see my children go to college. This was taken the day my second-parent adoption of my daughter was completed, when she was approximately 6 months old.
Going back in time just a bit. Little Karin, age 5 or so. As a child I was on the thin side, and very finicky. I wanted to be Mary Poppins.
Little Karin, ages 7, 8 and 11. Puberty changed my body completely, and like many young girls I covered up, stayed still and ate too much. This highly successful combination of activities guaranteed I would be left alone.
Looking at my senior portrait now, I can't believe I wasn't happy with that body.
2001. Approximately 255. With my two kids at Animal Kingdom. All I had done to lose those first 25 pounds was spend most of my day standing up instead of sitting. My extremely active daughter ensured that! Also true: I had lost 25 pounds and it didn't show.
2003, May. Somewhere around 235. I'd already lost 55 pounds but there was still so much of me left to uncover.
2004, March. Somewhere around 220. I had taken up rollerblading and was slowly getting more active. For me, it was nothing sudden or abrupt, everything took time and practice and a gradual change to my life to make it permanent. I describe the exercise and nutrition plan as it evolved at this URL: http://www.kallmaker.com/Sample%20text/HowIDidIt.html
My favorite dessert! I learned along the way how to size up such things and plan accordingly. If I were being totally honest, it's about 1800 calories, but on a day when I allow myself such a treat I'm not keeping track. Such indulgences are now semi-annual instead of monthly, or even weekly. I savor and enjoy it all the more.
2004, July. 201. I seemed to spend a lot of 2004 trying not to gain weight back. I had lost a lot quickly and the bounce back was hard to beat. I was pleased that I ended our family vacation no heavier than I began it. In retrospect, the act of Not Gaining Weight is as much a success as Losing Weight. Yet advice on taking control of your nutrition and fitness doesn't emphasize that. But I had to stop the frieght train before I could turn it around.
2004. A tattoo on my thigh I got for many reasons, but one was to take notice of my body and mark it as MINE. The symbol is Hestia/Vesta, comprised of the pi sign (mystical mathematics) and altar/hearth (center of self/home/spirit) flames. The tear/rain drop represents that water is essential for all growth.
2005, August. Stuck what seemed like permanently at 186-187-185-186-187-185...round and round. I clung to the fact that my healthier eating was improving my health in other ways than weight. For example, I no longer skipped breakfast to "leave room" for chocolate. About 35% of my daily calories are organic. I was capable of sustained, healthy exercise. Eating too little or the wrong things made my fitness plan impossible to maintain. The two efforts went together.
2004. I was already planning to write a novel like Finders Keepers, with a heroine who struggled with some of the issues that I had.
For me, I couldn't lose weight without discovering my skin and learning to like the skin I already had. I discovered I had curves I liked.
2005, July. 183. Though I loved what exercise was doing to my shoulders and legs, I was beginning to despair that my tummy would ever show my efforts. But I love this photo. It was taken at Gettysburg on a million degree overcast day. Within minutes it would be pelting rain. I was able to keep up with my kids, and I had tons of energy.
2005, October. It was the first time I ever liked a head shot.
My exercise of choice is rollerblading. Having learned more than I wanted about target heart rate zones, rollerblading is the right fit. I also run, walk with weights and hike for a total of 4-6 hours a week. I have never, ever, considered myself athletic, and I never wanted to be.
2005, October. 179 approximately. I finally broke through the 180 plateau, having lost 101 pounds.
Exercise -- I thought I knew all about aches and pains before exercise, but it was just the beginning. Skating is a low impact sport until you fall down. The 4-6 hours I spend exercising aren't an unfair penance for crimes of food -- I finally realized that. They are what I have to do to balance the fact that I am not working the fields 7 days a week, which is the genetic stock from whence I spring. If I was working those fields I'm quite sure my body would have far more aches and pains!
2006, January. 190 approximately. I'd had a bad holidays in terms of food and found myself at nearly 190 again. The next year would be grueling in terms in deprivation and exercise. To lose weight I had to decrease my intake and increase my exercise by nearly 20% from all the formulas. The math says that 3600 calories is one pound, but I had to burn 5000-6000 more than I ate to lose one pound. Unfair, yes. But what choice did I have? Whining does not burn calories. But I whined plenty anyway.
2006, August. Approximately 178. Nine years earlier I could not have hugged this tree. By taking up jogging I had finally broken through the plateau.
Regardless of my weight, I discovered my body had planes and angles. I learned to like pieces of me as I learned to accept and respect all of me.
2006, September. Approximately 170. None of the diet books warn about the flab that happens over the top of good muscle. It just hangs there, wobbly and unattractive, and the skin sags and bags and crepes and...I sometimes felt as if I was dipping myself in "skin tightening" lotions.
2007, February. At 162, I was so close to my goal. I couldn't believe how much every 5 pounds changed my face when the first 50 pounds seemed to make no difference at all.
2007, April. 160. Sometimes it felt like I would lose weight, then have to wait for a bit to grow into my face again. I also can't lose the habit of tracking new science in regard to fat, fitness and weight loss. This is probably a good thing.
I always felt as if I was multi-tasking. There were times when doing just one thing seemed selfish but I eventually figured out that not spending some time on myself with something simple like a bubble bath meant I would treat myself some other way -- with food, most of the time. Even in the bath tub I would be thinking about how to squeeze the last possible morsel of food into my dwindling allowance of calories. 1,400 goes really quickly.
Taken in 2007 at a tribute party that readers threw for me. It was a total surprise and I was gobsmacked.
I have moments when I see a photo in full make-up and accessories and think, “That's not me. That's the writer chick.”
When I am feeling more stable in my weight I am planning on marking my body again with a tattoo like this one. I'm still not quite happy with the design, but I'll get there. And I'm still waiting to feel stabilized!
Finally, I'm comfortable in public and feeling like the woman inside shows on the outside. That it took 10 years to achieve with a relentless focus is far beyond what any quick fix diet ever will admit. At 152, I had made my goal and lost almost 46% of my body weight. My body fat went from approximately 42% to 23%. I've never carried as much muscle as I have now, and entering menopause I know that it will be a lifetime struggle to keep it. If anyone had told me 128 pounds ago that there was no end to the process of fitness I might have given up. Truth: There is no end to it. As I approach 50, I am cutting about 50 more calories out of my daily intake every year to try not to gain weight again -- and not reducing my time spent exercising, darn it.
These days, be careful. Don't step on my purple suede shoes.
There are so many people to thank for their inspiration and support over the years. Mostly my family, which has tolerated changes to their routines and diets for my sake. I don't post pictures of my kids on the Internet or you'd see one here. I drug them to parks long past their interest so I could exercise.
I juxtapose this photo with the one from 10+ years ago because I'm wearing the same style of clothes: white shirt, denim vest. A picture is worth a thousand words, and more. 10 years later, I finally feel as if I've uncovered the woman within. I'm so glad that the past few years I began taking photos to remind myself of what I'd achieved. Though I am smiling in most of the pictures, some represent moments of frustration and despair. The journey was worth it because the woman on the outside finally resembles the woman on the inside.
