Check out our totally underexposed hotel room. Oh, yes, preface: it was my birthday, so Katie and I journeyed into Canada to met Dad and Liz, who were in Niagara Falls for a conference Liz was attending at the Crowne Plaza Hotel. Dad's practicing his evil-steepled-fingers pose for when he becomes a supervillain after he retires.
Our view. We were only on the fourth floor. Still, we could see the Falls. If we kind of twisted our head... yeah... and maybe if I put my knee up here...
At least the zoom on our new camera works well.
The other side of our room. The Crowne Plaza's an old hotel, and it's sort of showing its age. I hear they're going to renovate soon. Still, it was nice, and it felt like it had a lot of history.
Here's the exterior of the hotel. That big ignorant thing next to it is the casino. Rather, one of the casinos.
Detail of the hotel. Not much to look at on the outside, admittedly.
This is the Murkan side of the falls. They had to build a big platform for people to walk out on so they can see anything.
See the leftmost part of the waterfall there? Where the water is all white and foamy right at the top? That used to be Prospect Point, but it collapsed in 1954. So they had to build the big ugly lookout tower.
That's the Horseshoe Falls (as opposed to the American Falls on the right). The Horseshoe Falls is generally what people mean when they say Niagara Falls. It's the one people go over in barrels or across on tightropes.
Booom. It's loud, and there's a shit-ton of water.
Aw, luh.
This is the Niagara Falls, Ontario skyline. When were driving across the bridge to Canada, Katie said, "Look, the CN Tower!" I nearly died laughing. But not nearly as much as we did when Dad said that he had said the _exact same thing_. LOLZ.
It's actually a big restaurant. it's called Skylon, which I think is awesome because it sounds like a science-fiction race of aliens.
Ahhh, tourists. "Yes, children, feed the birds. The lovely birdies." Christ.
That monstrosity is called the Pile Driver; it's a WWF (sorry, WWE)-themed drop ride, where they lift you up and drop you. Fuck. That.
It really is quite touristy there.
This is the lobby of the Crowne Plaza Hotel. High class.
So we went up in the big Ferris wheel. it's called the SkyWheel, and it's awfully big. I liked the stickers. No standing, no punching, no kicking.
Provided a lovely view of the falls, though.
I just loved this. There's just something so artlessly kitschy about those neon motel signs. With the little bungalow rooms and the shitty plastic chairs. Love it.
The SkyWheel at night.
All lit up, like a little pedestrian Vegas.
Dad struggled with the digital camera. He still has his old Canon manual film camera that I'm pretty sure is older than me, but the flash gave out, and he was unable to find a replacement for it.
They were making chocolate here. Apparently, according to Dad and Liz, it's a nigh-acrobatic show to keep the chocolate on the table there on the left. Unfortunately, as we were standing there waiting to see it, the skies opened and we had to run away from the ensuing downpour.
The dude on the right is stirring the molten chocolate. The guy on the left is whacking that big box full of fudge to get the chocolate out. Yum.
Ah, yes. So the next day we wanted to go on the Maid of the Mist boat tour. So I ran down, right quick, first thing in the morning, only to find out the the elevators were out of service, and anybody wanting to go on the boat ride had to endure a grueling, 18-story descent down a service road. The girl may have just as well been waggling her fingers and speaking in a spooky Vincent Price voice. It was sufficient to deter many, but I felt that we hardy four could handle it. So I bought the tickets, totally on impulse.
So, we nearly died. The grueling descent was a pleasant stroll down a well-paved and not-at-all steep road. The sad part was the little scooter buggies (pictured) which they used to ferry the fat and infirm up and down the hill. Sigh.
They gave us glorified blue garbage bags to wear.
So, here's Katie posing in front of the American Falls. The glorified garbage bags had little Maid of the Mist logos on them.
I'm daring. Daring to leave my hood down.
Oh, that dad. What a cut-up.
Birds of some sort. I imagine they were eagles or something interesting, because I can't imagine myself taking pictures of seagulls. That little lump of rock between the two waterfalls on the left is called Luna Island. The little waterfall is called the Bridal Veil.
Ah, that's a much nicer picture of the American Falls, Luna Island and Bridal Veil. If you're on the American side, you can go up those little stairs on the right and go right under the Bridal Veil.
Looking back at the American Falls.
I can't for the life of me remember what this used to be.
That entire hill there (not including the sheer rock face) is covered with seagulls.
Powering ahead to the Horsehoe Falls.
Just the tip!
The Canadian side. Around now it started to get pretty wet, like a mild rain.
Now we're pretty much completely surrounded by the falls.
Here's Liz, fiddling with her camera. Pictures from inside the waterfall don't really do it justice, so I took some videos, but the stupid Mac Web Albums photo uploader won't upload videos, so I'll set them up on YouTube. Any minute now.
Katie and Liz and Dad. Dad is, typically, bitching and moaning about, I dunno, something.
All wet! SEXAY!
There's a nice shot of the Bridal Veil as we went back.
The American Falls. I think the pictures may be slightly disordered.
Niagara Falls is wicked.
Look at the fun we're having in our garbage bags!
So, after we got off the boat, the elevators were working again. So we got to line up. Wahoo.
Happy family! Smile for the camera! I can't believe that we all got in the shot. Totally awesome.
This horrifying tree was, I can only imagine, shuffling slowly towards the other trees, who are (presumably) screaming shrill tree-screams in terror.
We walked along the river. There's the Maid of the Mist. I think there are six boats, three for the Canadian side, and three for the American.
I just wanted to see how well the super digital zoom on the camera works. Pretty well. Those people are on the far side of the falls, nearly a kilometre away.
Looking towards the Rainbow Bridge.
We are some cute in our white shirts.
No idea who these people were.
There's a lot of mist, which a lot of smarmy know-it-alls blame on the construction of hotels on the Canadian side.
So cool.
This is a shitty picture of the Niagara Scow, a barge that got stuck on a rock shoal in 1918. The two guys who were on it could have died, but the boat got stuck, and has been there for 80 years.
Katie, Liz and Dad passing the SkyWheel.
THE SKYLON TOWER. BEHOLD OUR TECHNOLOGY, PUNY EARTHLINGS.
Ah, so then we went up into the SKYLON to CELEBRATE my BIRTHDAY by eating a delicious BUFFET DINNER, PITIFUL HUMANS! Ahem. This picture was taken from one of the Skylon's three elevators. Which was totally operated by a little kid. Seriously. We thought he was twelve or thirteen. We asked another kid driving a different one coming down how old he was, and he said fifteen. Man.
This is the view from the restaurant.
The view of the American Falls from the restaurant.
Look, a rainbow!
Look! America!
I guess the rainbow isn't that surprising. Light, lots of mist, you don't need much else, I suppose.
There's the SkyWheel, and our hotel is behind the black and white building on the right, next to the big tower.
The big casino. You'll see more of that in a minute.
Me and Dad and Liz, yukking it up.
Oh, this one is cool, because you can see the shadow of the Skylon.
Neato.
"She's some tall, b'y."
So then we went to the Casino. We saw this big cool steampunk fountain in the entryway of the casino.
So we sat in front of it.
Out behind the casino was a (partially-obscured) view of the falls.
Slightly-less-partially-obscured.
The casino.
I fucking hate casinos.
Everything looked the same. From the vertigo-inducing carpet to the flashing lights to the dead-eyed sad sacks of shit mindlessly pulling the levers (or hitting the waps, whatever).
The tacky ceilings were the worst.
What? Board game is fun? Jolly nice, here's a mindless money-eating game, then.
This is where you go to cash in your baby.
So Katie and I sat down with $5 and a 2-cent slot machine. Called "The Golden Gong."
Hilarious name aside, I didn't see the point. I've never gambled before. I've never even put a quarter into the VLTs at any of the bars at home. I just felt like I wasted five dollars. Quite apart from the fact that I had absolutely no fucking idea what was going on at any given moment during this 'game.'
But the fact that there was one called Double Dragon was pretty cool.
They even had little VLT clones embedded in the surface of the bar for those for whom alcoholism trumps gambling addiction.
Just, fuck, man. It was acres of this shit. It was so disorienting. Purposely-so, I'm sure.
My recollection is hazy, but I'm sure Tons-o-Fun here was playing two Double Dragons at the same time. Most of these "slot" machines don't even have coin slots anymore. They have little things you can insert bills into, and slots for these fucking cards on those telephone cords, so you can just charge the shit. Fucking Jesus.
This old lady won. The fucking Spin & Win was making a shitload of noise. She sat there like she was waiting for the bus. These hollow, emotionless zombies are bloody embarrassing. ...... If I'm not careful, someone's going to start thinking I have something against gambling....
The roulette wheel was computerized. Wooo. All the fun of watching a ball spin around a wheel, only you never have to look at the wheel or do anything beyond tap the screen with your credit card. Roulette honestly looks like the most fun game in the casino (if only I understood the rules), but not like this. Good God, not like this. They did have real roulette wheels, but the guy at the real roulette wheel got mad at me and told me I wasn't allowed to take pictures in the casino, so I had to put the camera away. Fucking casino.
Ah, but I whipped it out quick before we left to get a shot of Lucky Larry's Lobstermania. Best slot machine EVAR, even if it does clock in at a steep 50 cents a spin. But that's nothing, dude. We wandered into the high-rollers area, and they had $100 slots. By which I mean slots where every time you pull the lever (or wap the waps, as may be), that's a hundred cunt-kicking dollars, gone. Sweet balls. That said, Lucky Larry's all right.
My birthday was the last night we were in Niagara Falls, so Katie and I went down to look at the waterfalls, all lit up right pretty. Unfortunately, I hadn't spent enough quality time with the camera to learn the best setting for low-light night photos, so for all the pictures I tried to take, this one is the standout winner. I'll try to clean it up with iPhoto later and see what happens. Anyway, I loved Niagara Falls. It was kitschy and touristy, but cool for all that.
When Katie and I went to Toronto to see Chad, Meg and Phil, we noticed this vitriolic billboard along the side of the highway, and again as we were coming back. On our way to Niagara, we saw it again, and I resolved to get a picture on the way back to New York. Got it. The Onondaga are a native people who sold their land in 1794 for $2000 and 150 bushels of salt. Good deal.
Ah. Here we are. We drove into New York in the evening on Sunday, which sucked. We got home, took it easy, ate sandwiches and got a good rest so we could go to see the Statue of Liberty the next day. This is near the ferry dock; it's a sculpture that was salvaged from the remains of the World Trade Center. Spooky.
So, we all piled onto the boat and drove away from Manhattan.
Manhattan is big.
There's Ellis Island. For the longest time, I thought Ellis Island was a prison, but I was just mixing it up with Rikers Island. Ellis Island is where the immigrants came through on their way to Murka.
Ah, there she is.
What is there to say about the Statue of Liberty? Other than that the name of the statue is actually "la liberté éclairant le monde" (Liberty Enlightening the World).
This is similar to the shot everyone saw on September 11th, you remember, with the piles of smoke in the background.
Adam and Katie!
Liz and Dad!
This is the original torch from 1886. It was modified in 1916 and given glass windows so it would shine. They replaced it with the new one, covered in gold leaf, in 1986.
Katie being mature. That's a full-sized replica of the statue's face.
Some old models of the statue.
This is the upskirt for the statue of liberty. You're not allowed to go up in her anymore. You can only go up though the big stone pedestal she stands on and walk around below her feet.
There's Manhattan.
This is cool-looking.
Remember in Ghostbusters 2 when they put all that goo inside her and made her walk around New York City? That was stupid.
Another thing: I've never understood the hostility many Americans feel towards the French. I understand the hostility the French feel towards Americans; I mean, come on, be serious. But France was the U.S.'s best buddy for years and years. The American government is based directly on France's. And look at this sweet statue! What did the States ever give France that was half as cool as this? Other than McDo, that is.
Anyway, it's cool-looking. The green copper reminds me of the Peter Pan statue in Bowring Park.
Dad, Liz and Katie are much smaller than the Statue.
I meant to stitch these two pictures together, but I'm too lazy to learn how.
Ah, so cute.
Then we saw this guy. He apparently shopped at Old Navy during their polo shirt sale, too. He was a British tourist. His friends just about lost it when they saw us together.
We all went to see The Lion King. Not bad, either, $100 a ticket for floor-level, seventh-row seats. Nice.
Dad's favourite part of New York was Times Square. Predictably, that was what he had in mind when he thought of New York, not our quiet, sleepy little zombie-surrounded neighbourhood of Glendale. I remember having the same reaction when I moved to Toronto, lo, those many years ago. I had thought that Toronto was all like Yonge and Bloor, all built up and massive, forgetting entirely that many people don't want (or can't afford) to live in the downtown area of a huge city.
Liz took some pictures inside, and I had thought we had those pictures, but now I can't find them. Huh. Anyway, I loved the show. There was one point when the stage was just full of colourfully-dressed dancing people, and I just completely marked out for it, just at how great the world can be.
We went to see the Yankees play the San Diego Padres at Yankee Stadium, but all Dad wanted to do was stare at his wife's boobs.
Yes, Dad, look at the camera, you dirty old fart.
The outfield. (Super secret: I had to go to the Yankees website to check the name of the team the Yankees played that day. I honestly couldn't remember.)
The infield. (Super secret: I had to check the score, too.)
Action shot! Go Yankees! My dad used to refer to Katie as "the yank" or "the yankee", to which she took exception. Apparently, Yankees are really only New Englanders (Americans from the Northeast coast of the U.S.). Katie is properly a Midwesterner. But most Canadians (at least among my acquaintances), and I imagine most foreigners overall use "American" and "Yankee" interchangeably. Hum. Sorry, tangent. Baseball!
Look a ref! I mean, ump!
Lovely day for a baseball game, though.
See? So pretty. Too bad the people who work there are a bunch of fucking cockheads. I was carrying my little satchel bag (really, if I have to be honest, little more than a glorified man-purse), and the sons of bitches made me check it. But not at Yankee Stadium, oh, no. I had to exit the stadium, cross the street, go into a fucking bowling alley, and then PAY FIVE GOOD GOD DAMN DOLLARS to check my bag. Jackasses. Anyway, look at the puffy clouds. Light and fluffy and not angry at all....
Action shot! I can't remember who this is. Story: so we were in line waiting to buy $6 hotdogs and $8 cups of Bud Light (Jeezus...) when some fat fucker walking behind us steps on a ketchup packet. Oh, the lols.
Look, there's the New Yankee Stadium. This is the last year for the original Yankee Stadium. It's going to be torn down and replaced with a park. (The parking lot that the new stadium has replaced has been moved underground.)
Whee! Katie picked up a pink Yankees hat with scratch-and-sniff strawberries on it. So funny.
Dad and Liz, right engrossed in the game. Our tickets were only $20 (I think), so we were way the hell up in the nosebleeds. Still, not bad.
I couldn't figure out why this big chunk of the outfield bleachers was black, so I looked it up. It's for the batter. When the pitcher throws the ball, if there's a big crowd right behind the oncoming ball, it makes it unfairly difficult for the batter to see the ball. So they black out part of the outfield so the batter can see the ball clearly against the black.
Action shot!
Action shot! You can see the ball there as a white blur right above the top line of the batter's box
This is Joba Chamberlain, the star pitcher. He looks like his arm is about to crack in two.
I only knew that was his name because they kept showing this picture of Jabba the Hutt whenever Joba came out.
This is the relief pitcher. I can't remember his name, because he wasn't associated with a Star Wars character. It would be funny if his name had been Greedo, though. Or Chewie. He looked like he was going to tip over every time he threw a ball. I took like five pictures of the guy, and every one of them turned out like this. What a weirdo.
Ah! Such fun. I don't give two shits about baseball, but it was fun to go out with Dad and Liz and Katie for the day (bag check/ketchup disaster notwithstanding). The Yankees won, 2-1, a pretty close game. It was the third in a three-game series against the Padres. (The Yankees just completely trashed San Diego in the first two games, 8-0 and 8-5.) I'd say about a third of the crowd was up and out the door at the bottom of the eighth inning. That's weird. I guess because they already won the series?
Anyway, the fact that a load of people left before the game was over didn't affect the size of the crowds outside at all. Ugh. I think you can see the bowling alley where I had to check my bag.
Ugh. That's the subway train above us. So, more of a superway, I guess.
The next day Katie had to work, so I took Dad and Liz to Central Park. We saw the "Imagine" thing in Strawberry Fields (which isn't a field at all, it's like a little grove).
Dad and Liz and loads of people. I was going to lie down on the circle, but I didn't want to wreck anybody's buzz/trip.
Wow, that _is_ a low clearance. I didn't even know they made one-inch-tall cars.
The NASDAQ. I don't have a clear conception of that the NASDAQ is or does. For example, this is cut-and-pasted directly from the Wikipedia article: "NASDAQ has a maker taker pricing system that offers lower liquidity removal fees and more favorable added-liquidity rebates based on how much trading volume the market participant executes on the NASDAQ system." .....Oh.... I..... I see....
This is the Time Warner Center. Did you see the movie "Cloverfield"? Well, the love interest was trapped in the tower on the right, which was leaning into the tower on the left. Go rent Cloverfield. It was the like The Blair Horrifying Monster Project.
This is the Maine Monument. It was built in 1898 to commemorate the deaths of the sailors aboard a ship called the "Maine". The statue of Columbia at the top with her three hippocampi (sea-horses) is allegedly made from the salvaged guns of the ship.
Then we trekked south and eventually reached the tallest building in New York, the Empire State Building. After a long day of walking, we had no desire to go up inside it, so we happily tromped off to meet Katie and go home. The end.
